Chapter 23

Russ was furious and disgusted. His fancy pants were soiled -- perhaps permanently -- and, worst of all, there was no one to blame. The school nurse or someone probably knew what little bastard was responsible for the vom-bomb, but he knew he couldn't punish the wretched fucker anyway.

He stormed back into the school office, shaking droplets of vomit off his pleats.

"Marjorie, get me some paper towels" he called out. Marjorie was the school nurse. She was preparing for the upcoming lice crackdown and had carefully organized the lice prodding sticks across her workstation.

"Whoopsy-daisy!" Marjorie exclaimed cheerily upon seeing the vile scum into which Russ had slipped. "It looks like you've some vomit on your slacks, dear Russ."

"Yes, Marjorie," Russ replied "my slacks are shellacked in vomit. You're very observant -- are you a nurse or a scientist or something?" Marjorie brushed his sarcasm aside and provided a stack of dense, coarse, nonabsorbent paper towels.

Furiously as he tried, Russ was unable to prevent a large stain from forming around his posterior. He soon realized he would need to drive to the Walmart down the street to make purchase of some new leg tapestries. While he lamented the extra expense on his already strained and modest income, he secretly enjoyed taking trips outside the school during the day -- but mostly he dreaded facing the store clerks while adorned in what should have remained in some kids stomach.